2009- Age 15
So this is one of those photos I have been very reluctant to share before due to fears of judgement or criticism but actually this was honestly how bad things were feeling at the time. I think its all very well and good when people imagine depression, bipolar or BPD as feeling sad or down, that's not what it feels like at all. It can be hard for anyone who hasn't felt this way to truly understand the misery it can cause, I was lucky to have had help so young as there are many older people who unfortunately don't receive help or treatment and many get lost in the system.
Anyways, more about the picture itself. The quote at the bottom about being weak I seem to remember that coming from my parents. This photo truly represents a part of the struggle I had with my parents at the time. Its got to be extremely hard to have a child with barely any experience of the world want to leave it so young. As any parent would they would try to do anything to make it seem as if being strong was being alive and being weak was not. At the time my moods were all over the place, reality was a bit of a blur and I think in a way I tried to make suicide seem like this beautiful, peaceful experience, when in fact its the complete opposite. Anyone who has been so out of touch with reality will understand further what I mean. Looking at this picture it looks pretty and clean, which is completely conflicting.
For anyone looking at this picture it must appear as very bazar, which, to be honest, is what I sort of see myself. Looking back at it as a pretty stable human being I cant quite understand what exactly I was trying to communicate. But I think that in itself is exactly how I felt at the time.
Confused, scared and out of touch.