2009- Age 15

This is around the time when my mental health started to spiral. Trying to juggle school, dance, a social life, my exams and my own health wasn't at easy as I clearly thought it was. This would be a time that doctors would now call a manic episode. It made everything go 100x faster and paranoia and slight delusion would set in. I became paranoid of the world around me and as you can see in this picture/collage that I made at the time I was very clearly feeling high paranoia. What I like about this photo is the fact the background is a puzzle piece. I think looking back this represented me holding my life together. Everything felt like it was coming apart and I was barely forming a glue to keep it all together. Another thing I find quite striking is the fact that all the cars in the collage are the same type. To me this feels really intense and if you had happened to see this in real life I can guess that everyone would feel a little intimidated. Unfortunately being in this state of mind has major effects on everyday life. Due to paranoia school started to become difficult. Being there was fine, it was mainly the journey back and fourth from it that I found hard. I had started to see CAMHS at this time, who too encouraged my art, it gave them a better explanation of my mind than my words seemed to do. When I look at this picture I notice how colourful it is. Being in a manic state felt a little like the whole world had just got higher in saturation. Suddenly everything was very bold and very striking which I reflect in this picture. It wasn't a happy state though, which I think is a major misconception with Bipolar. The two eyes in this picture are very direct and I think this was mainly aimed at my feelings of being watched. This could be anyone from doctors, family or friends, just worrying constantly that my behaviour was being judged.

Overall this picture was my expression during a time of heightened sense. Although when I drew it I don't recall thinking about it and planning the picture but now I look back to see how well it reflected my feelings at the time.